


Adrift

by tvfanatic97



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, FFH, Post-Endgame, Sort Of, based on the trailer, post-IW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvfanatic97/pseuds/tvfanatic97
Summary: After all is said and done and the villian(s) are defeated, Peter gets a second chance to feel things out with MJ on the last night of their trip.





	Adrift

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youheldyourbreath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youheldyourbreath/gifts).



Coming back from the decimation was an adjustment to say the least.

Peter had only been gone for a handful of months but when you’re seventeen, months can feel like a lifetime. And the clear evidence of all that he’d missed whilst away like the rest of his junior year, Ned and Betty becoming an item, along with MJ and Ned now apparently being best friends, were all stark reminders of how much can happen within mere months.

That last development was the most surprising to him initially, MJ was the academic decathlon captain that Ned and himself were a part of but when he’d left they’d barely been friends with her. MJ sat on their lunch table sure, but her interactions with them were limited to her occasionally chiming in to their conversations to remind them that they were nerds and/or losers before going back to reading or sketching.

Truth be told, she was incredibly intimidating to the two boys.

So Peter was surprised when on the day he came back MJ came with May and Ned to the Avengers compound to welcome him back.

He’d sputtered some excuse about his Stark Internship when he noticed that she was there as well but she’d simply brushed him off with a “Give it up Spider-Man, you’re the worst liar in the world” then that was that.

And from then on he was friends with MJ, he guessed. 

Anytime he hung out with Ned, there she was. She quickly became a permanent fixture in their friendship, which he didn’t wholly mind.

And with time she became a permanent fixture in his life, outside of her friendship with Ned that is. The school had allowed him to use the summer prior to senior year to catch up on all he’d missed rather than repeat junior year and graduate a year later than all his friends and during that time MJ took it upon herself to tutor him to ensure his success, meaning he spent almost every day of that summer alone with her.

When he’d thanked her for voluntarily tutoring him she’d brushed him off with something about how she didn’t want Ned to graduate without him; something about not wanting to break up the “nerd couple”. He noticed that she brushed off a lot of things.

He noticed a lot of things about MJ over that summer and when they got into senior year as a matter of fact.

He noticed the good. Like her seemingly never-ending collection of t-shirts that had various female icons from through time that he wasn’t sure if she bought or made herself. Her love for all visual forms of art from drawing to painting to photography; they had bonded over that last one when he discovered that it was a passion of hers as well. Her wicked sense of humour and wit that he used to find weird before he got to know her and understand her. Her laugh- not the sarcastic chuckle she did most of the time- her _real_ laugh, the one where she’d throw her head back and laugh heartily with her entire body, gripping her stomach as her eyes got teary. He’d only managed to get it out of her a handful of times so far but he cherished those times. She was definitely the funnier one of the pair.

But he also noticed the _bad_. The way she’d insist she come to his place any time they hung out and recoil anytime he suggested he come round to hers or even drop by to pick her up when they had plans to go to the movies or anything. The way she rarely ever mentioned her mom- she’d only ever mentioned her once when recounting to him how she’d come to love drawing and art but she’d panicked and made an excuse about her dad waiting for her at home and left his apartment immediately after her admission, she’d ignored him for a week after that as well for good measure.

He started to form a full, vivid picture of the person Michelle Jones was slowly but surely over the course of the year. And he found that he _really_ , really liked Michelle “MJ” Jones.

The last few months of their senior year were filled with almost-moments. Almost-moments where he’d almost confess his clear feelings for her, when having late night phone conversations whilst Peter was out on patrol and MJ was up waiting for her dad to come in from work so she could see him for those precious few minutes before he passed out and had to wake up a few hours later to go back to work.

But something kept holding him back each time. Lack of courage, trepidation, _fear_.

 

* * *

 

Summer of senior year saw the team head to Europe for decathlon world championships, moving from country to country at each group stage of the competition.

Here in Europe Peter felt like things were different. He was geographically far away from home, far from the responsibility and loss he now associated with New York, and here he felt a bit more courageous and he felt like he might finally the plunge and ask MJ out.

That was the original plan at least but three classic elements-based villains plus a fish-bowl adorning maniac meant he never got the chance.

Fortunately for Peter though, Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. had appeared and proven themselves useful in helping him defend them all.

Unfortunately for Peter, by the time they were rid of them there was only one day left of his trip and on their final night he, along with MJ, went to the local annual carnival with Ned and Betty. Ned having convinced him to come out with a spiel about how they had to make advantage of this trip to see the world ad he couldn’t just stay in their hotel room.

Within just half an hour or so of being at the carnival they were already a little sick of Ned and Betty’s baby talk and cooing at the other- or at least Peter could tell MJ was slightly uncomfortable at the couple’s antics so he’d turned to her and suggested they go for a walk to explore. Fighting off villains meant he hadn’t really had the chance to explore the city in the slightest.

So they found themselves walking around Prague with no particular destination in mind, just wondering.

Initially they joked about how sickening Ned and Betty were as they walked before the chatter died down again and they just walked in slightly awkward, uncomfortable silence. That was until MJ broke it, quietly admitting, “Ned and Betty are pretty adorable.”

Peter was surprised by the admission, he was certain she’d been uncomfortable and on the verge of throwing up not too long ago when they were with the couple but he brushed it off, “Sure.”

They carried on walking slightly aimlessly, drifting subtly closer and closer to the other with each step without realising until warm finger tips grazed the back of Peter’s hand.

He immediately- _embarrassingly_ \- recoiled and took a rushed step away from her to create some distance between them but he didn’t miss the slight flash of hurt he saw cross MJ’s face.

“Uh, sorry,” he said sheepishly, playing with the sleeves of his hoodie.

He watched as MJ’s face contorted and twisted as she seemed to make a decision, the process being concluded by her decisively stepping forward and wordlessly grabbing Peter’s hand then turning to carry on walking.

Peter was panicking. He didn’t know what to do; what did her holding his hand mean? He’d been pretty certain she didn’t like him, she never showed any sign of it at least. They had a close friendship sure but he thought it was just that, _friendship_.

MJ must have noticed the way his eyes darted back and forth between their joined hands and the side of her face as they walked and eventually she sighed out, “Peter. You’re thinking too loudly.”

“I- um, I-“ he couldn’t form a complete sentence or even a word. He tried again, “What’s going on here?”

“Oh- I, I just thought you wanted to um…I may have misread this whole situation.” She sounded so unsure of herself, so shy and she was incessantly tucking stray locks of hair behind her ear in what one could mistake for a nervous tick.

But that wasn’t MJ, not the MJ he knew. MJ was always confident in herself, so sure of herself and sure of her beliefs and wants and needs. The image before him didn’t match up with the image he had of who MJ was in his mind.

To further his confusion, MJ said more, “When you asked me to come out tonight with you I thought it was like a date?”

 _Woah_.

“A, date?” Peter repeated back to her dumbfounded, hesitant.

“Yeah,” she affirmed quietly. “I just thought we’ve kind of been getting closer over the last year and I just-“ she paused to exhale, compose herself, “God Peter, I like you so much and I feel like you like me too? And I just thought – our final night on a trip away from home, a walk across the dumb romantic Charles Bridge on a nice summer evening…I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

Peter watched her struggle with her words, alternating between tucking her hair behind her ear and playing with the zipper of her jacket and a small, automatic smile broke out on his face.

This was everything he’d wanted for the past year, it was overwhelming how everything seemed to be falling into place. He’d defended the bad guy(s), saved countless lives and now was getting the girl. It was perfect.

 _Perfect_.

That was the issue wasn’t it?

Everything had been resolved with a neat bow, everything was going accordingly. He was finally getting a happy ending.

Immediately he was struck with reminders of Mysterio. This was the kind of thing he could do- _had done_ to him back in London. He’d filled his head with vivid images of Tony still alive, dropping him off at MIT for his first year of college along with May and Ben, the three adults looking at him with abundant love and pride.

It had felt so real, it’d felt like things were falling into place and life was going his way then as well. But it’d been ripped away from him, leaving him with the reality of Ben being long dead, Tony being long dead. Both his fault. His _failures_.

Mysterio had played on Peter’s deep desires and wants, messed with his head then, and the realisation that the same thing could be happening right now struck him so violently that he stumbled back losing his sense of equilibrium.

“Peter?” MJ asked, clearly concerned about him, but it was all wrong. This wasn’t MJ- _his MJ_ \- this had to be a trick.

“No, no, please. Not again,” he could hear himself mumbling those words over and over again, the words slipping out in an uncontrollable litany. He didn’t even really know what he was saying or who he was talking to but there were snippets here and there, a lot of, “No I can’t, I can’t do this again. I don’t want to, no, no, please stop…”

He could vaguely make out MJ’s figure looking concerned, soft and caring. But again, he was reminded of his past failures. He’d fail MJ as well wouldn’t he? That’s the trick Mysterio was playing on him- he’d shown him the ghosts of his past failures and this was the present? Or future? He’d likely end up letting MJ down, like he always did, if they ever crossed the boundary from friendship to something more.

Peter felt paralytic. So overcome with the disappointment, mostly in himself, and his breath was caught in his throat. He ran to the edge of the bridge, needing some space and something to lean on so he could catch his breath.

He heard someone call after him, shouting “Peter!” but he ignored it. He needed to get away, it was happening all over again.

He leaned against the brick of the side of the bridge, leaning all his weight on it trying to re-orientate and centre himself but nothing he tried was working.

A warm weight pressed on his shoulder slightly and there she was again, “Peter, talk to me.”

And her voice was so gentle, so coaxing, that eventually he came back into himself. He came back to the here and now.

He’d ruined a potential moment between him and the girl he’d liked. But maybe it had been for the best, he wasn't okay. He hadn’t been okay since coming back from the war against Thanos and he hadn’t admitted it to himself before now. He wasn’t in the right place for this, for _MJ_.

“Are you okay?” She asked, keeping her voice low and gentle.

He wasn’t ready. He didn’t know what to do so he reacted instinctively, doing the only thing he could think of in that moment.

“I'm sorry,” he breathed out to MJ.

Then he ran.

**Author's Note:**

> Spideyxchelle/youheldyourbreath wrote a soft FFH fic so to restore order to the world we agreed I had to write something that's more her brand. I am so, so sorry.


End file.
